I keep wanting to write you a love letter tumblr, but you’re making it so hard.
When I started this blog I was desperate for community. As a kinky, queer, feminist, non-monogamous woman I felt alone. Connecting with other kinky, queer, feminist, non-monogamous women here helped me feel more secure about my identities, and helped give me the language I needed to express myself confidently. Knowing I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t wrong, and being able to support others on the same journey was invaluable.
Tumblr was the first place I ever found sexy, sensual and sexual images that actually reflected the sex I was having. And the sex I wanted to have. It was the first place I ever saw women making their own content on their own terms. It was the first time I was ever exposed to diverse bodies presented in beautiful and intriguing ways, bodies of all sizes, bodies of colour, bodies in a variety of genders and abilities, all looking gorgeous and real. It was the first place I ever found queer sex, sapphic sex, disabled sex, sex that wasn’t made for the male gaze. It was so unique to have a space where information and images weren’t mediated by corporate interests. Thank you to every single one of you from this community who created and shared content. It changed my life.
When I started this blog I had just had a baby. I had complicated feelings about my body, and I was eager for adult conversation that wasn’t about breastfeeding schedules or sleep training. I was annoyed at the way our culture de-sexualizes pregnant bodies and mothers. (Or worse, fetishizes them for male interest with labels like MILF.)
I felt more powerful than ever, and I wanted to remember that my body was my own. Self-shooting helped me find that connection again. Here I built a whole world of photos of my own body that I liked, in spite of a life time of insecurities and struggles with eating disorders. Self-shooting literally changed my relationship with my body, and still does on days when I’m struggling. Thank fuck.
Yet the most important thing tumblr has brought to my life is the people. Your support has made me feel so encouraged, loved and valued. I’ve been here for almost 9 years and in that time I’ve watched you guys graduate, leave shitty partners, marry wonderful ones, make big moves, make big changes, make mistakes, fall in love, have babies, get new pets, transition to genders that show the real you, start incredible careers, find your true selves and celebrate them. Some of you I’ve chatted with along the way, others are names I see on my dash every day, some have reached out for advice or compassion. My very favourites were the “omg heart!!!” messages some of you would send me when you tried something new and exciting and had nobody else to squee about that with. Or when you were brave and made bold moves because you knew you weren’t on the right path. I appreciate everyone who sent messages, I loved being your kinky fairy godmother, holding your secrets and encouraging you all from my inbox. I am going to miss seeing you grow and change, being along for the ride. Thank you for letting me peek into your lives and cheer from the sidelines.
Not to mention personally, some of the most important people in my world right now are folks I would never have met without tumblr. @kinkycasey helped me to accept and understand my kinks, to know that I can do kink ANY WAY I WANTED TO, and it was valid and good. Her friendship continues to bless my life. @guynewyork and his sage honest writing helped me through the roughest point in my marriage as we navigated poly, and then became one of my dearest fucking friends. Visiting him in New York has become the best retreat for me, not to mention connecting me to @piper-doll and a whole world of wonderful people there who affirm and delight me. Meeting @msdarker and attending her incredible sapphic events inspired me to create safe and exciting spaces for queer women here in Canada, a little northern sisterhood that never would have been possible if I hadn’t been graced by her presence and seen her magic with my own eyes. My connections with @mscurveball, @stoya, Kitten, @glorialou and @ellysmallwood would never have happened without tumblr bringing us together. These are people I truly couldn’t imagine my life without, people who have become my dearest friends. And none of that would have been possible without this space.
Tumblr, you have changed the trajectory of my life. I will be forever grateful for that.
I am sad and frustrated with this new change, but I’m also excited about the seeds I’m planting for the next chapter.
I want to thank you all, all 56000+ of you who follow me here, for being a part of my journey.
I want to invite you to stick with me to hear about the thrilling things I have cooking for 2019. Seeing familiar names show up on my tiny letter and patreon has given me confidence about what’s coming next. I’m hoping these new spaces will allow for a more personal and intimate way of telling my story, and connecting with people on a similar path.
“Don’t look at the full moon with her. It would break my heart.” I know it’s unreasonable so I never ask, but I wish I could. I know better though, I know the moon doesn’t belong to me, and neither does he. Standing under the moon is a different thing between any two people, I know this, but it feels like mine.
Never let her turn around and kiss you on the stairs the way I do. Never let her write stories on the back of your neck with her fingernails after you fuck. Never let her fall asleep on your shoulder, in the crook of your arm, the one that’s just the right shape for me to nestle against. I know in my heart it’s not just for me, I know it’s human-shaped, not me-shaped, but let’s pretend okay? Let’s pretend you were built just for me. What a pretty little fantasy.
Let’s pretend that there were rules that could protect us, that if we just stayed within the right boundaries this would never hurt. Let’s pretend we can legislate our feelings, follow the red tape, let’s pretend regulations and a page of things we Can Not Do would be simple, like a grocery list. You never look at the moon with her and I’ll never let anyone brush my hair out of my face when it’s messy. I’ll never let anyone kiss my baby toes or hide my face during movies at the scary parts. I’ll never slow dance in the kitchen with anyone but you.
Until I’m dancing, in a different kitchen, with someone who isn’t you. It’s a different dance, of course. They don’t hold me like you do, they’re cooking dinner and I touched them, it drew them to me, and next thing you know we were dancing. It doesn’t feel like a travesty or an invasion of our space, your space, my space with you. It feels like dancing in the kitchen with someone else. It’s wonderful in it’s own way, but different entirely.
That’s why it would be a silly rule; You can outlaw an activity but you can’t control the intimacy between two people, the way any arbitrary act can feel magical, the chemistry at play. These things are not compartments you can lock up or barricade, they are life experiences, lived moments. Building blocks to connections that neither you or I can predict. We have to trust in what we’ve built together, and all the unique ways we make each other happy. The moon is going to look amazing tonight, no matter whose hand you’re holding as you look towards the sky. And if there’s fireworks between two people, you wouldn’t need the moon to see them. We can feel how we feel, that’s the deal.
Don’t miss these posts after tumblr pulls the plug on adult content; follow me on Tiny Letter (for writing and the occasional photo) and Patreon (for photosets from our events)!
I keep wanting to write you a love letter tumblr, but you’re making it so hard.
When I started this blog I was desperate for community. As a kinky, queer, feminist, non-monogamous woman I felt alone. Connecting with other kinky, queer, feminist, non-monogamous women here helped me feel more secure about my identities, and helped give me the language I needed to express myself confidently. Knowing I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t wrong, and being able to support others on the same journey was invaluable.
Tumblr was the first place I ever found sexy, sensual and sexual images that actually reflected the sex I was having. And the sex I wanted to have. It was the first place I ever saw women making their own content on their own terms. It was the first time I was ever exposed to diverse bodies presented in beautiful and intriguing ways, bodies of all sizes, bodies of colour, bodies in a variety of genders and abilities, all looking gorgeous and real. It was the first place I ever found queer sex, sapphic sex, disabled sex, sex that wasn’t made for the male gaze. It was so unique to have a space where information and images weren’t mediated by corporate interests. Thank you to every single one of you from this community who created and shared content. It changed my life.
When I started this blog I had just had a baby. I had complicated feelings about my body, and I was eager for adult conversation that wasn’t about breastfeeding schedules or sleep training. I was annoyed at the way our culture de-sexualizes pregnant bodies and mothers. (Or worse, fetishizes them for male interest with labels like MILF.)
I felt more powerful than ever, and I wanted to remember that my body was my own. Self-shooting helped me find that connection again. Here I built a whole world of photos of my own body that I liked, in spite of a life time of insecurities and struggles with eating disorders. Self-shooting literally changed my relationship with my body, and still does on days when I’m struggling. Thank fuck.
Yet the most important thing tumblr has brought to my life is the people. Your support has made me feel so encouraged, loved and valued. I’ve been here for almost 9 years and in that time I’ve watched you guys graduate, leave shitty partners, marry wonderful ones, make big moves, make big changes, make mistakes, fall in love, have babies, get new pets, transition to genders that show the real you, start incredible careers, find your true selves and celebrate them. Some of you I’ve chatted with along the way, others are names I see on my dash every day, some have reached out for advice or compassion. My very favourites were the “omg heart!!!” messages some of you would send me when you tried something new and exciting and had nobody else to squee about that with. Or when you were brave and made bold moves because you knew you weren’t on the right path. I appreciate everyone who sent messages, I loved being your kinky fairy godmother, holding your secrets and encouraging you all from my inbox. I am going to miss seeing you grow and change, being along for the ride. Thank you for letting me peek into your lives and cheer from the sidelines.
Not to mention personally, some of the most important people in my world right now are folks I would never have met without tumblr. @kinkycasey helped me to accept and understand my kinks, to know that I can do kink ANY WAY I WANTED TO, and it was valid and good. Her friendship continues to bless my life. @guynewyork and his sage honest writing helped me through the roughest point in my marriage as we navigated poly, and then became one of my dearest fucking friends. Visiting him in New York has become the best retreat for me, not to mention connecting me to @piper-doll and a whole world of wonderful people there who affirm and delight me. Meeting @msdarker and attending her incredible sapphic events inspired me to create safe and exciting spaces for queer women here in Canada, a little northern sisterhood that never would have been possible if I hadn’t been graced by her presence and seen her magic with my own eyes. My connections with @mscurveball, @stoya, Kitten, @glorialou and @ellysmallwood would never have happened without tumblr bringing us together. These are people I truly couldn’t imagine my life without, people who have become my dearest friends. And none of that would have been possible without this space.
Tumblr, you have changed the trajectory of my life. I will be forever grateful for that.
I am sad and frustrated with this new change, but I’m also excited about the seeds I’m planting for the next chapter.
I want to thank you all, all 56000+ of you who follow me here, for being a part of my journey.
I want to invite you to stick with me to hear about the thrilling things I have cooking for 2019. Seeing familiar names show up on my tiny letter and patreon has given me confidence about what’s coming next. I’m hoping these new spaces will allow for a more personal and intimate way of telling my story, and connecting with people on a similar path.
I’m going to miss you tumbl buddies, but you can still see all of the gorgeous photos and moments from our parties if you join me on patreon.
Instead of monthly I’ve opted to only charge when I post new content, which will be approximately every 2 months. Instead of posting photos one at a time I’ll be sharing the whole photoset from each event, plus intimate details about behind the scenes moments.
My first post will be to share the photos we take on New Years on our winter-wonderland cabin retreat! Sign up now so you don’t miss it!
We had acres to roam, not a soul around as we undressed, leaves crunching under our feet. Later, in the cabin, the wood stove kept us warm while we braided each other’s hair.
